“Chalcoa” - Chalco to acquire Alcoa

In a world exclusive this morning, we can reveal that secret talks have now concluded and Chalco, China’s best known and oldest aluminum company is to acquire Alcoa, the USA’s oldest and best known aluminum company. The new company will be called Chalcoa.

Mr Siyue Shazi, who headed the negotiating team for Chalco, told us that the negotiations had been going on for at least 2 years. Splitting the old Alcoa into 2 companies was a necessary pre-step to allow Chalco to acquire the Alcoa assets.

Chalco have promised to retain the public image of Alcoa among its customers, however there will be a few back-end changes. Those Alcoa staff who are retained will need to transfer to Beijing where the new headquarters will be located. A new R&D centre will be established with combined Alcoa and Chalco experts, and a modern new building for the R&D centre will be built in Baotou, Inner Mongolia (the technical people will need to live in tents until their houses are ready). Alcoa executives will be required to learn Chinese as part of their transition into the new company. Back-end functions such as accounting and procurement will be centralized in China, and suppliers to the new company will need to present their invoices in Chinese in order to get paid.

Chalco executives are excited about the new career opportunities that will open up for them. One executive told us that he was looking forward to getting assignments in the USA, Canada, Australia and Europe. “Alcoa plants around the world will gain from having Chinese plant managers who can teach Alcoans how things are done in China and will be done in Alcoa plants in future” he said.

Happy April Fools Day everyone.